Setting Boundaries with Your Senior Loved One
Setting Boundaries with Your Senior Loved One
Out of all the tasks a caregiver has to do in the day, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries can be the toughest thing. How can you say no to the person who raised you? Unfortunately, because setting boundaries is so difficult, many caregivers end up overworking themselves physically and emotionally in order to avoid having hard conversations. Even worse, many go to extremes, allowing themselves to burnout completely before establishing some healthy rules in the house.
Though it would be nice to have a master list of boundaries to set, no such list exists. The boundaries you need to set completely depend on your needs, your senior’s needs, and what’s going on in your lives. So in order to understand what boundaries you personally need to set, you really need to start focusing on your feelings.
What makes you feel overwhelmed? Maybe your mother refuses any outside help and that puts all of the caregiving duties on you. Maybe dad moved in and is trying to regain his old “head of the household” title. If it makes you upset, it’s a problem.
The best way to combat boundaries issues is to have a conversation. Explain how your life has been getting stressful and the ways you need to be accommodated as both a caregiver and a family member. Remind them that you need time for yourself, just like you did before you became a caregiver. Odds are they will understand. If they don’t, then keep trying to explain. It may take more than one conversation, so don’t feel that you have to push it all at once.
The important thing to remember is that you deserve to feel safe, loved, and cared for. Being a caregiver doesn’t take those needs away. That is one of the things Naperville Senior Center Adult Day Services is designed for; to create a ‘home away from home’ for your senior loved one AND give the caregiver, you, time to yourself. Whether you need time to be more productive at work, help your kids with their homework, get them to after-school activities or take time for yourself, we provide a safe, fun environment for our Members.
Each day Members spend time socializing, verbalizing, improvising, evangelizing, visualizing, exercising, having fun, and a host of other activities to provide mental and physical stimulation.
Call to action: to learn more about how NSC can provide a respite for you and a great social environment for your loved one, contact our Certified Occupational Therapy Assistant, Theresa, at 630.857.3017. You can also schedule a tour to see what they have to offer and understand the Naperville Senior Center experience, “Home Away From Home.”
Free TRIAL is for new Members and their caregiver.
The trial visit is Monday-Friday from 11:00 am to 2:00 pm.
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But this is also a time to teach your kids some independence.
Adult day care centers provide a safe environment and planned programs that include a variety of health, social and support services in a protective setting during daytime hours. Depending on the needs of (probably) your parent or spouse and the needs of their caregiver (probably you) there are unlimited options that need to be considered and might be overwhelming.
can no longer structure his or her own daily activities;
Most people who grew up in Chicago have picked a side; some more staunchly than others. At times babies were simply born into a side…your family was for either the Cubs or Sox and so were you. That’s just the way it went.
Although the Sox have the overwhelming winning record for the Crosstown Classic with a record of 10-4-5, the overall game record for the Classic is more evenly split with the Cubs winning 49 games and the Sox winning 55.
Practice Mindfulness: If your focus is always on other people, then it can be hard to get in touch with your own thoughts and feelings. To combat this, many caregivers are turning to mindfulness meditation for self care. It’s easier than it sounds. Mindfulness is simply the practice of slowing down your day and focusing on how YOU feel. For instance, when was the last time you paid attention to what it feels like to take a nice walk? Whether it means focusing on parts of your day that you already enjoy or going on YouTube and finding a seated meditation, mindfulness is a positive way to reconnect and refresh.
Get Some Sleep: We all know what difference a good night’s sleep can make. From improving mood to improving health, those precious 8 hours do so much for our well-being. Unfortunately, caregivers have a lot on their minds and often lose sleep because of it. If you can, try putting aside your caregiver duties one-hour before you go to sleep. Set that time aside for winding down (away from the TV!) and preparing to go to bed. If that hour is not an option, a quick 20 minute nap in the day can serve as a quick self care fix. Bottom line: your body needs sleep so find time for it!
Prioritize. Whether you prioritize your month, week or day (or all of the above), understand what the most important things are that need to be done. Work down your list, checking items off as you go. If someone else can help you finish a task, ask for their assistance. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Have ‘Me’ Time. Whether you just go for an hour massage or yoga class, or get away for a day, take time to recharge your batteries. Make sure you put ‘me’ time towards the top of your priority list so it doesn’t get pushed to the side. No one will fault you for wanting to have a little time to yourself. Again, with a little time to yourself, you will be in a much better position to care for your loved one, yourself and your other family members.